Pollution

Among many of the other things in the outside world, it is impossible to forget pollution (Actually, it seems to be very feasible. The Republicans do it all the time). This is because of the pure extremity of pollution itself. It has been shown to be able to turn over entire busses, puncture even steel, and easily crush one of the members of the Green Bay Packers. Or maybe that’s Rhinoceroses? Whatever.

Anyways, my point is: pollution is not to be taken lightly. I ask you: Do you seriously want your children to live in a polluted world after you pass away? Personally, I say no for two reasons:

1. I don’t plan on having children
2. I don’t really care about what happens after I die, as I will be, in a manner of speaking, dead

Yet, as you may have figured out from reading previous works, it is ill-advised to take advice from me, to say the least. So instead, don’t just take my word for how serious this is.

It is commonly known that acid rain; a dangerous result of acidity levels in lakes and rivers increasing due to carbon dioxide exposure is growing more and more common. In a recent event, a large scale outburst of said dangerous rain recently fell right on the outskirts of Dammington, New Mexico. Because of the large scale of soil corrosion, trees were unable to grow in said area, which not only destroyed the town’s firewood stocks, but also forced the resident beavers to emigrate, and find a safer place to live. The result of such was the local dam, which had been keeping Lake Biggs full, eventually corroded without the aid of resident beavers to reinforce it. The result was the water in the lake draining, and leaving the town without water. As a result, the townspeople soon found themselves without fresh water. Venturing up the lake, a shocking discovery was made.

Resting inside the riverbed of Lake Biggs was a large metallic object, very similar to the “Weather Balloon” that had crashed in Roswell just years ago. The shocks of such a discovery lead the people to embrace the idea of life in outer space. Because of this, the town spent the next few months building a giant satellite dish, which was supposedly built for communicating with aliens.

While all this was happening, a Chinese aircraft that had gone terribly off course happened to pass over this small town, greatly shocking the airline pilot who later reported the large object to the Chinese defense office. The Chinese soon became afraid that the US would soon declare war on them, with this new seeming weapon, and immediately proceeded to create a secret weapon of their own: A worm capable of deleting all the porn on the internet. This angered The Netherlands, who would suffer an inevitable economic collapse if said worm ever was released. The Netherlands proceeded to draft an economic degree for the Geneva Convention that would ideally push human rights into effects, this preventing China from continuing its sweat-shop run economy.

In anger, China released the bug, causing the inevitable collapse of The Netherland’s economy. The Netherlands asked England for help, which immediately tried its failsafe solution for almost every problem: Declare War on Germany. Germany, in retaliation, asked Russia for assistance, which attacked Greece, who attacked Belgium, who attacked Italy, who attempted to garrison troops in Luxemburg. Unfortunately, right after crossing the border, the Italian truck broke down, leaving the troops stranded in an unforgiving land full of moonshine factories and topless bars. Luxemburg addressed the threat by sending out their “Army of one” (Seriously, his name’s Pierre) out to Ireland, who immediately declared religious war on Scotland.

Scotland called in the aid of Spain, who attempted to seize control of Portugal. Portugal quickly countered by throwing rocks at Nickelback. In all the confusion, France Declared War on itself (and lost).

Naturally, after a few days of all this, most of the sides had forgot their standing, and immediately proceeded to sign The Treaty of France XXIV. Of course, the American news was too busy doing a report on a rich, blond, white girl who had been kidnapped by a senior, unarmed, hippy and held within 100 feet of her home. Later, she was found walking around with him in disguise and using a fake accent (Really).